I almost had a panic attack earlier. They don't happen often, but occasionally I'll get really weird. Crowds worry me. And not even real crowds. Like 5 people can set me off. I walked down to Sheetz to be alone and use wifi. There were too many people in there, and I just started to freak out. I went outside and started randomly walking around trying to figure out what I was going to do. After a couple minutes, I walked to Wendy's and sat down.
I was in line waiting to get a baked potato. There were two women in front of me. A grandmother, a mother (in her early 20s) and two kids. The mother was holding the youngest, who was probably not even one. The other looked like 3 or 4.
For some reason, I cringed in disgust as the grandma leaned in toward the youngest baby and said in a high-pitched baby voice, "Give Nana some sugars!" I thought it was cute when the little baby tried to kiss her mom. But, she was too busy yelling at the oldest one for getting too many straws. The kid's logic was solid: she started holding them up saying "This one is for me, this is for you, this is for Nana, and these are if any get broken or lost."
The lady taking the order was attractive, looked to be in her early 20s. The mother with the young baby said to her, "You probably don't recognize me." The Wendy's lady had an awkward moment where she said, "Yeah, I recognize you." Which really meant "I wasn't going to talk to you."
They chatted for a couple seconds. The Wendy's girl was running on little sleep and very stressed out with school.
I've been watching her sweep the floor. I wonder what her story is. She probably wants me to leave so she can sweep under my table.
* * *
I often wonder what people think about me. I've come to the general conclusion that people will say "He's nice, but he can get annoying sometimes. He thinks he's a lot funnier than he really is."
I've had a lot of people pull me aside and note that others are kind of bullying me or walking over me or basically taking advantage of the fact that I'm a nice guy. I often don't care to help people out or go out of my way for somebody. I felt really bad the other day when a girl I work with posted on Facebook that her car broke down and asked for a ride to work. She said it was only a 5 minute ride, but a one-hour walk. I wasn't doing anything, but I don't have the necessary license to give her a ride.
I told a friend the following story and she told me that I didn't have good friends. I spent a majority of a night trying to plan a get-together with a group of friends; mostly girls, a couple guys. A couple were down, some were non-committal, so I wasn't expecting anything too crazy to happen.
After a couple hours, I've heard back from nobody. I've already gotten the itch to go out, so I walk down the street to a bar. I text those friends and tell them to come if they can. And I usually know somebody there on any given night. Long story short, I looked like one of those pathetic people sitting at a bar by himself drowning his sorrows.
Around 1 a.m. I get a snapchat from one of those friends. It's a picture of her and another one of those friends. They and others went out without me. I felt an odd combination of sadness and anger. In a moment I really regret, I replied back "Thanks for thinking about me."
* * *
The last five Mondays, I have been attending DUI Class. People I have been talking to about it have been sending me congratulatory messages or saying that they're proud of me. I don't know if they think this is like rehab or AA or something? It's something the DMV is making me do before I can have my license back.
Like anything in life, I look at a situation and try to find out how I can exploit it. How can I turn a negative into a positive? I hate being there and think it's pointless, but what if I wrote about it? So, that's what I'm doing. I sit in each class and take notes on everything in my phone. It's going to become a 6-part series titled "Adventures in DUI Class." I've already written weeks 1-4. I have the notes for week 5, and class 6 occurs next week. Number six is the final class.
I write about the mundane aspects of it, the provocative moments, and my journey through it all. Here's a preview:
And, there's that. I've got about 8000 words written so far looking at the first four classes. As of right now, the plan is to send them to Thought Catalog as a weekly series. That should be fun.
* * *
That's all for now. I'll check back with everybody at a later date.