Sunday, April 13, 2014

Random Stories: McDonalds edition

That song is so full of obscure 90's pop culture references. It's awesome. I like The Offspring. And, I instantly like any song that randomly says "God Damn" for no real reason.

Boring few days. Life is changing soon. I'll fill you guys in on that later. I have a couple options going on in my life that I'm watching develop. I'm at that proverbial crossroads. I am waiting to see if I will go right or left. 

One of my favorite Them Crooked Vultures lyrics is "You can't always do what's right, you can always do what's left." They also say "Don't hold it against me, unless it gets hard." But that's a discussion for another day.

Girl at McDonalds earlier was flirting with me a little bit. She told me she liked my tattoos and gave me a deal: she charged me for a $1 sweet tea drink when I really wanted a regular soft drink.

When me and "the gang" all worked at Pizza Hut back in the day, 2010 or so, we would eat at McDonalds a lot because it was right beside "the Hut."

A McDonalds worker became smitten with one of our friends, so me and another guy went over there and got her phone number. He started texting her. I don't want to imply what kind of girl she was, but all I will say is that within a couple days he had some nude photographs.

We had always talked about the appeal of another one of our friends. We found it was odd that he really had no redeeming qualities, yet seemed to always have a lady or two (or three) around. We realized that it proved the theory true that girls love assholes.

We quickly realized that this McDonalds girl wasn't anything special to keep around, so my friend devised a truly awful plan: "I'm gonna be an asshole and see if she likes it."

And it did. He would ignore her, be rude to her, just all sort of "dick moves," and she kept texting him and trying to be with him.

Not condoning it. Just saying that it happened.

A story about me and getting a girl's phone number...

There was this lady who was really attractive for being around 40 who would come into Pizza Hut periodically. One day, she came in around 4 p.m. and it was me my buddy Mark. She looked at the two of us and said, "So, do you guys just walk across the street after school and work here?" She was referring to Princeton Senior High School and implying that we were teenagers. I was 23 and he was 24. Mark looked at her and said, "We're a lot older than you think..."

She would come in and talk to us while waiting for her order. We would see her and prepare ourselves: "That old hot chick is here!" we would announce.

One day, she was talking to me for a minute and ended the conversation with "And, can I get your number?" I said, "Huh?" I noticed the way she was looking at me and stammered "s-s-sure. Let me grab a piece of paper."

I bragged to Robbie, the other manager on duty with me, about what had just happened. He was impressed.

The next day, I was driving to the gas station. "Eye of the Tiger" came on the radio. I cranked that shit up and started singing. I thought I heard my phone ringing, so I turned the radio down and saw that I had a voicemail from the hot old chick.

I called her back and we made vague plans to hang out in the future. My imagination was running wild at the possibilities. In my head, it seemed awesome! But, in something that might make me lose some guy friends, here's a confession: I'm not a casual hookup guy. I couldn't do it.

I chickened out (like that one time...) and I decided my best course of action was to ignore her. And that's when I learned that this lady was a psycho. From the time I stopped contact with her, she proceeded to call me a few times a day, every day, for about two weeks. And she would leave these crazy voicemails. Her southern accent was cute when she was talking to me normally, but when she's shouting "I THOUGHT WE WAS GONNA HANG OUT!" she's not so cute anymore.

She eventually got the hint and left me alone. I saw her at Pizza Hut once after that. We were cordial to each other. The crazy ones are good at hiding their crazy.

That's a good stopping point for now. I'll be back later.

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