Friday, April 12, 2013

Concordian; April Fools edition

The April Fools edition of The Concordian, Concord University's newspaper, came out April 3. So, I guess it was more of the "Early April issue that had some fake stories in it," or something like that.

The reason I have an interest in this issue is because I have an article in it. Yeah, one of the "fake" articles. I mentioned in one of my previous blogs that I was asked to write a piece. I submitted it and people seemed to like it. It's okay, I guess. I'm always one of my worst critics. But, people seemed to like it.

It's about how Concord decided to stop giving out sports scholarships because they give out too much money and it could be better spent elsewhere. I did a fake interview with the athletic director. It's kind of funny. The basis of the article was due to the fact that regular scholarships for all students had decreased a certain amount over the last four years and athletic scholarships had increased a stupid-ridiculous amount in that same period.

With that said, I thought I'd take a look at the rest of the paper. Pages 1 & 2 are fake stories and pages 3-10 are real stories. Well, I haven't verified any of them. Real unless proven otherwise. That's a joke.

As I've also mentioned in previous blog posts, I'm not a fan of the April Fools issues of The Concordian. I only wrote my piece because I was asked to. I just don't like the fake articles that are presented. They're not funny, they're not interesting, and they're not entertaining. So, they're a waste of time. I think my article is the best one there and I wrote it in one hour after talking to 3 people one Friday afternoon and I don't even think it's that good.

Editor-in-Chief Scott Noble wrote a piece about how Punx-Ton-Uhhh-Way Phil had to go into hiding after his horrible weather prediction. As a sidenote: I think it's funny to spell big words Fuh-Net-Uh-Clee.

Sterling Snyder wrote a piece about how budget cuts were affecting portion sizes in the cafeteria. This one had potential, but he spent too much time trying to explain the portion sizes and it fell flat. I had high hopes for this article, because his twitter picture is him wearing a banana suit and I figured it would be funnier based on that.

Chris Allen wrote about some fictional pancake festival he went to. The less said about this article the better. I don't even know how to write about how bad and pointless that article was. Just avoid it at all costs. It's not even his fault; I'm blaming Concordian leadership for allowing it to print without helping him make it less awful.

Morgan Elmore wrote a piece about a Concord student training to be a Pokemon master. I didn't realize Pokemon was still a thing. I was into that in middle school. To age myself, that was the late '90s. Interesting little nostalgia trip for me. Bulbasaur was my favorite Pokemon, so it was cool to see a picture of him included.

Chris Allen wrote another article, this time about Jack Sheffler, Fine Arts Division chairperson, going on some sort of drunken rampage in Spain. I really don't know Jack Sheffler that well, so I guess the idea is that he's the opposite of what is in the article. Ummmm, I guess...

Onto the real newspaper:

What I liked -

"Connie Shumate's Library Corner" box of useless library information. I like interesting trivia stuff and it was set up in a way that people could easily access and digest it. Check it out if you want to know how many people visit Concord's library, print out stuff, check out stuff, etc... I hope the staff has more stuff like that in future issues.

Article about the WV Exhibit in the library ... Molly Bates wrote a nice article about a touring exhibit about the history of WV. It's time to admit how immature I am: I giggled when I read her name for the first few times. I think I'm finally over it now.

Molly Bates (hehe) also had a nice piece on the opinions section about how students need to take advantage of events being held on campus. There's always some cool stuff going on and nobody is ever there to watch or participate. I wrote recently about the poorly-attended "Lebowski Fest" and I was also recently at the CU Directing Class' night of 4 student plays. I was one of a select few that attended.

Hopefully Molly stays with The Concordian for a while. She's a good writer with some good thoughts in her head. They need more of those.

I like the "You Know You Go To Concord When..." feature. There's no byline with it, but I believe Sara Cameron wrote it. The one that especially made me giggle was the line about how you will always see an ice cream cone on the ground. That's very true.

Like Molly, Sara is another one of my favorites on the staff right now. And that's not just because she told me that she likes to read my blogs. It's because she has a passion for being a staff member of The Concordian. That's what the paper needs the most; people who care and want to put forth the effort the make a quality product.

What I didn't like -

The lack of SGA coverage. It was especially bad considering the paper came out during SGA elections. If you've ever read my blog before, you know how I feel about how The Concordian should cover the SGA. So, there's that.

That million-word article by Jon LLoyd on the opinion section about why he fasts as part of his religion around Easter. Again, I didn't read all of it. Mainly it's because he's almost as wordy as me. Secondly, I'm not religious and don't really care about religion all that much. With that said, though, if something is presented in an interesting and informative manner I'll check it out.

I read roughly the first 7 inches or so of his column. It didn't even scratch the surface of what he wrote and it turned me off. That's mostly because it's kind of insulting to people who don't share his religion. With things like, " ... it's a case of trying to explain concepts that are totally alien to Western society and especially Western Christianity ..." and including lines like, "For those of you who may not know..." it just comes off as condescending.

And, maybe this is just me being stupid, but I couldn't figure out what his religion is. He mentions a few different ones in the beginning and isn't clear in the first few hundred words I suffered through. One of these days I'll get through one of his columns. Maybe...

What I liked but could have been better -

Morgan Elmore wrote an opinion piece about her support of gay marriage. There has to be a flaw if I'm shaking my head at an article promoting equality for homosexuals. I'm all about that. She has a great idea, but it turned me off when she spoke in absolutes. Nothing is concrete. Things like saying that homosexuality isn't a choice, that people are born that way. That's never been proven. It took away from her credibility a little bit. But, she's got a great idea there.

That's about all I've got for the paper. If anybody on campus read it and wants to chime in as well, feel free to. There's a lot of potential for the newspaper to be really awesome and informative and entertaining.

I want it to succeed. I want to write about how I opened it up and loved it, especially Jon LLoyd's stuff (seriously!). But, I can't really do that right now. Hopefully in the future.


  1. as a note about my opinion piece on gay marriage, i will note that it is an opinion piece and if I personally believe that being gay means that you are born that way, that is my OPINION, hence why it is placed in the opinion section on the newspaper. the only way you could really criticize that is if it was in news, student life, ect. but also, i am glad you liked my fake news story. i just wanted to do something different and to draw readers when they saw the headline.

  2. A few of the newspaper staff have told me about you and your blog when I asked who wrote that hateful garbage that you called "satire." I had hoped that they were exaggerating when they said that you were some loser who still obsessed with Concord, even though you don't go there. Apparently they're right. Do you even read your stuff? Are you aware that you sound like a pompous tool? You aren't funny. You aren't talented. Get a life and stop picking on people like some kind of nerd-bully. This is depressing. This is probably the most depressing blog on the internet.

    1. I'm sure this isn't the most depressing blog on the Internet. I've never claimed to be funny or talented. Pompous tool? I don't know...

      I took a couple years off from school and I'm in classes for the fall. In doing so, I've been making appearances on campus. In doing that, I've kept up-to-date with the newspaper and student government. I'm not obsessed with Concord, I'm just here occasionally and keep up with things.

      Critiquing the newspaper isn't picking on people. The students of Concord pay for it with their tuition money. It's a product that the newspaper staff provides for the students. It needs to be at its best, and I noticed that it wasn't, so I wrote about it.