The end of my summers are starting to feel kind of like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. It seems like around the beginning of August for the last few years I come to this realization that I'm in a rut and not progressing in life.
Here's a blog I posted in 2010 about the subject - Fuuuuuuuck.
I noticed this summer's rut a little earlier. Around the beginning of July, I realized that I had only posted one blog during the month of June. Since starting my first blog back in December of 2005, I have never had a month-long span as sparse as June 2012.
I realized that and decided to write about it. The theme was going to be something along the lines of "Where did my June go?" At this very moment, it is July 30, 2012 and I am just now writing the "What happened to June?" piece. So, let's amend this to "Where did June, July, and probably some others months go?"
If you know me, you probably know that I am lazy. One of my favorite television shows right now is Hoarders, and Candace hates to watch it with me for the sole reason that she thinks I will wind up like one of those people. It's easier to lay around and not clean, so that's often what I do.
My problem is that I apply that to every aspect of my life. It is easier to lay around than do anything. So, what do I do? Nothing.
It really feels like I fell asleep in January or February and woke up at the end of July. I accomplished nothing in the first half of 2012. If we're breaking my life down into six-month increments, what did I accomplish in the second half of 2011? Nothing. First half? Nothing. Second half of 2010? Nothing. First half? I feel like the first half of 2010 was decent.
But, being sorta proud of what you were doing a little over 2 years ago isn't really going to cut it. So, what do I do? I guess I need to stop doing things the easy way.
Throughout life in school it seems like I've had a yearly discussion with a teacher that goes along the lines of "You're a smart guy, you just need to apply yourself more." I remember in the eighth grade our science teacher gave us a detailed midterm report that broke down all of our assignments. We had like 2 tests and 3 or 4 other assignments. My final grade was always a C on the midterm because I would get an A on all of the tests and a zero, an F, on the other assignments because I didn't do them.
My freshman year of college my adviser simply said to me, "You need to stop being lazy." She told me I needed to apply myself to class like I applied myself to journalism and writing. I thought about her words. And that's all I did.
A few months ago at work, they received an email complaint from a customer from me. The guy writing it complained about everything and concluded it with "And it seems like Chris had not received any formal training in how to do his job." A manager had a discussion with me about the complaint. She said, "I've seen you come in and work circles around everybody else and then sometimes I see you come in and it looks like you've said, 'Ehhh, fuck it.'"
And I feel like that's a pretty good explanation of why my life is where it's at. At some point, I simply said, "Ehhh, fuck it."
I guess the key here to turning things around would be to stop taking that approach to life. I'm going to think about those words. I'll keep you updated as to whether or not I do anything else.