I'm not sure what happened to my hand. It feels like I hurt it. I know that sounds strange - if it feels hurt, then it obviously is hurt. It feels like it because I have no idea what happened. The other day at work I went to grab something with my left hand and felt this intense pain around my thumb-joint area when I gripped it.
That was almost a week ago. The pain is still there somewhat, but not nearly as intense as it was. So, hopefully that's better soon.
I blogged a couple times about school this semester, how I was trying to get my schedule together and whatnot. I'm registered for classes, but not a lot and my attendance has been anemic. I'm going to consider this semester pretty much a failure. It's like one notch above the last spring semester, when I wasn't even registered in classes.
I'm trying to snap out of it, but I feel like I went into a little depressed state for a while over it. I haven't been myself lately and I'm trying to dig myself out of it.
Another thing that hasn't been helping me out has been that I got my sleep schedule all out of alignment, again. Insomnia is something that I have dealt with on-and-off since I started college waaaaaaay back in 2004. My 12th grade year of high school, I would go to sleep around midnight and wake up at 6 a.m. every day, without fail. When I got to college, I started staying up later and getting up later and not being able to sleep and just getting into a horrible cycle.
It was at its absolute worst my 3rd year of college. At one point, I was awake for over 50 hours straight. On the weekends, I would regularly go to sleep around 11 a.m. or noon and wake up around 8 or 9 p.m. During the school week I'd usually stay up for like 24 hours, then sleep for 12 and repeat that on-and-off for a few days.
I've never really gotten my sleep schedule on a truly "normal" pattern, but I got to the point last year where I was going to bed around 1 or 2 a.m. and I was functioning at a pretty normal level. These last 3 or 4 weeks, though, all the good work I was doing just went out the window somehow. I've had several days of staying awake over 24 hours and several days where I slept for like 15 hours.
It's definitely not fixed yet, but I'm at the point where I realize how screwed up my sleep schedule is right now. I think that's the first part of fighting something - admitting you have a problem. Earlier in college, I knew that my sleep pattern wasn't normal and was hindering me, but I didn't really do anything to address it. I'm ready to address it now and at least get it back to where I was last year, when it wasn't great but wasn't hindering me.
I mentioned being kind of depressed sometimes. I think one of the biggest reasons for that is because I really can't find an excuse for why I feel like my life is screwed up. "Screwed up" may not be the best phrase. I have a job, I have an apartment, I'm going to school. I'm doing better than a lot of people. I just keep running into setbacks that mess up any momentum that I may be having. And I can't really come up with a good reason for why that is, other than I fuck myself up sometimes. It's like Green Day said, "You are your own worst enemy."
All you can do is try your best to turn things around. I've had a few self-imposed setbacks lately, but I'm finally ready to start trying my best.