I was going through some stuff in the files of my Concord e-mail account and came across something I started writing in the beginning of 2007 and never finished. I started writing it and e-mailed it to myself, with the intent of finishing it later. I never finished it. I was cleaning out my inbox and found it. I'll post the few paragraphs I have here for you all.
I think the reason I never completed it was because it wasn't meant to be taken seriously. To write a satirical piece, I really have to be "in the mood" to do it, and I wasn't. I got this idea, started it, and never had the urge to complete it.
At the end of every year, TIME Magazine devotes a magazine to their annual "Person of the Year." For 2006, their person of the year was "You." I don't know why. I guess they got lazy or something. Actually, the real reason was due to the influx and proliferation of social networking and citizen journalism and whatnot (e.g., Facebook, MySpace, blogs...). Now, people were connected in a way like never before and TIME decided to honor this "occasion" somehow. The cover of the magazine featured a glossy, reflective surface, under the banner stating "Person of the Year," so it appeared as though your face was on the cover of the magazine.
What I started writing one night was a piece accepting my Person of the Year award. Yeah, it's stupid, I know. But, bear with me. It's below, in italics:
It started with Charles Lindbergh in 1927 and continued in 2006 with me, Chris Slater. Yes, loyal readers, yours truly was selected by the editors of Time magazine as Person of the Year.
Why am I receiving this award? That's a good question. Despite holding the position of News Editor for Time's competition, The Concordian, they were able to look past any journalistic grudges and realize that 2006 was a banner year for me.
The good folks at Time were no doubt also impressed with my summer of hard work at Pizza Hut. Maintaining a 30-hour work week can be daunting for some, but I'm glad that my hard work is finally being appreciated.
I now join a list that includes such luminaries as Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Martin Luther King, Queen Elizabeth II, Richard Nixon, Ted Turner, Bill Clinton, and both George Bushes. I've set a very ambitious agenda in order to ensure
Yeah, I kind of lose it after the introduction. I couldn't really think of anything after "in order to ensure..." so I gave up on it and never looked at it again. And, yeah, all those people I mentioned were former "Persons of the Year."